My Exploding brain!!

I am having one of those moments right now when I really want to create something or express myself in some way but I have not focus, and and unsure of what to do. So I thought I would write a little bit of the blog to help me out. I get this way every once in awhile and usually it happens in the middle of the night and I just lay there staring at my ceiling thinking of all the great things I could be doing if I would just get out of bed. I feel like my brain will explode if I don't do something. But when I get out of bed things just don't seem to work out like they did in my mind. I start to wonder if taking photos of all the doorknobs in my house was really a good idea and wonder how I came up with the idea. But sometimes, and only on rare occaisions I produce something worth keeping. Such as the time I found myself sitting in a dark room with my camera's shutter open for 30 seconds using a flashlight to "paint" the light onto some flowers I had bought Maria that day. The photos were really good, and if I hadn't lost them when my laptop hard drive crashed last year I would post them online. I guess the whole point of this has been to let someone else know that sometimes my idiotic creative urges aren't so idiotic. Maybe sometimes I just need to reach out, regardless of whether anyone else is reaching out. It's that act of trying to find a way to communicate satisfies my creative soul I guess. Does anyone else ever have these moments of cretive need? I can't be the only one.

Things have been rough lately

Lately, I have been struggling to figure out who I am and my place in the world of photojournalism. I look in the mirror and just don't know who I am or who I am supposed to be. I was talking about this with my photojournalism advisor Cade White and I think he pointed out one of my big worries: I have a family that is affected by my every decision. If I were a 22-year-old PJ student about to graduate, I would probably sell everything I own and travel south to Mexico or South America and photograph the lives of the people there and focus on the issues that concern them. If I failed, and couldn't get anyone to publish my photographs I would come home with a lot of experience and start working at a paper. But I am not a 22-year-old wonder boy or girl without any commitments. I am a 25-year-old husband and father who has to make sure I can shelter, cloth and feed three other people. I have so much more to think about, and sometimes it is overwhelming. I don't regret any of the decisions that go me to this point in my life and I enjoy my family and love them very much, they are what motivates me to keep going every day. Despite that fact, I often feel it is hard to figure out who I want to be and what type of photographer I want to become when I have others depending on me. The truth is, that I really do know who I need to become, someone they can depend on, a man who they can all lean upon and who will care for them. I guess the real struggle I face is, how do I do that and fulfill my own goals and desires at the same time.
This morning I had coffee with Cade, and he pointed out that I need to look at things with the perspective that I can find happiness wherever I am working. Even if that means I end up working in Abilene or a city near hear for a few years. As he was talking to me I keep thinking of this little plaque that my grandmother had in her house that said "Bloom where you are planted". I know I can do great work anywhere, that I can capture meaningful moments that tell people's stories in any town, in any state, or in any country. One of the things Cade mentioned to me when we had spoken yesterday was how freelancing gave me some freedom that I wouldn't really have at any other job. Right now I do have more freedom as a freelancer than I would as a staff photographer somewhere. And my work does have meaning to others, even the "grip and grin" posed shots I shoot all the time for the university have meaning to someone. They are probably on people's wall and sitting in frames on end tables, work desks and on fireplace mantles. I know this, yet I can't help but want for more. Maybe it is selfish of me, what I feel like I have the potential for more. As much as I like working for the university and occasionally doing an assignment for the local paper, I feel like I should be doing more with my work. Many mornings, as I look in the mirror I feel like selling off most of my gear except for one camera and a few essential lenses (the primes, of course!) and throwing myself into a project, without knowing that I will be published. I feel like finding a story to tell, whether it is here in Abilene or a thousand miles away, and telling it through my eyes and the eye of my camera. I find the camera to be an amazing tool and photography to be an almost intoxicating act, a way for me to transfer what I see around me to a sensor or a piece of film that can be printed or displayed on the web for others to see. Often just the act of photographing something or someone, of thinking and looking through the viewfinder is satisfying in and of itself regardless of the outcome. I enjoy the basic thrill of this, it still has the capacity to excite me and I hope over the years it always will. The problem arises when I feel that so often I get used to shooting for others, trying to see things how they want to see it that I lose sight of my own vision.
This past weekend I really tried to combine the two on a couple of assignments for the university. I tried to include my own style more into the photographs that I turned in, yet I kept in mind the goals and needs of my employer at the time. I think the photos worked out much better, I even received a compliment on my work and how I shot those two events from my employer. On the one hand the photos aren't drastically different than any other events I have shot, but on the other I tried to include (or exclude) little details that intrigued me and to frame things the way I felt they should be framed a little more. In this way I felt like I was finding my own vision again. I konw I have a way of seeing that I can share with others and that I can share things that will enlighten people and help those in need. Regardless of where my life takes my family and I, I hope I can remain true to myself and my vision, whatever that is.

A few photos

I haven't been very good at posting photos lately, probably because I haven't actually been shooting much the past two weeks. I did shoot some photos of my family at the park, feeding the ducks. My daughter loved it, she kept screaming at the ducks "Duckies, come see me!". I skipped a class to go with them, and it was probably the best day I had last week. I really enjoy when I can get some time with my family outside the house, it's different than just spending time around the house. I know these aren't professional work, but these are my favorite photos from the past week.

Sunday, November 12

I went over my slideshow with a good friend of mine, Eyakem Gulilat , who has really jumped on the multimedia bandwagon. Eyakem has his own ideas and perspective that make him an interesting artist. He gave me some good advice and went over the slideshow with me and helped me to tighten it up. I am going to post an updated version in the next couple of days. I don't want to get too tied up in this project though, as I feel like I need to move onto something else now. I can still work on the gym project, but I need to work on something newer as well to keep myself sharp.
On another note, I posted my portfolio in an online gallery. Some of you may remember that I had done this a while back on photoshelter, but I cancelled my account because I wasn't really using it for anything else. I used adobe lightroom (a neat little app that is free right now while it is still in beta) to create a web gallery that I copied to my server space at the school. There are a few newer images, so take a look and let me know what you think. My Portfolio

Slideshow video

Here's the slideshow I have been working on. I used iMovie, so the photos aren't as high resolution as I'd like. I wanted to use Soundslides (a program many photogs are using to create flash slideshows) but it cost $40 and I want to check it out more before I go and make a decision about it. If I would have the demo version for this the video would have been watermarked. I would appreciate any feedback, especially on how I can make it better. I want to improve my storytelling skills, so anything you can suggest will help.


Abilene Old School Boxing

What I'm working on today

I'm trying to produce an audio slideshow of photos from the boxing gym that I have been shooting at on and off for the past 6 or 7 months now. It's the audio recording that is holding me up right now, I pretty much have the photos down, but recording audio is something that takes a new set of skills. I know I can have those skills, but I need to develop them. I've already gotten an interview with Geno, the man who runs the gym but it's the natural audio that is killing me. I think I didn't do enough research on the mic I borrowed from my advisor, Cade White . I honestly ran out and just jumped into trying to record audio without much thought to it.
I'll probably be going back tonight to get more and hopefully I will be better prepared. I will post the slideshow here whenever I finally get it done.

NPPA Flying Short Course

I am in Little Rock, Arkansas this weekend for the National Press Photographers Association's regional Flying Short Course workshop. It's a good opportunity to hear some excellent photojournalists speak and to have your portfolio critiqued as well as have your gear checked over by technicians from the manufacturer. On a side note, I love the Canon people. Really, I do. They not only cleaned my camera but they replaced the hot shoe and the rubber piece that covers the pc cord port without me asking them too (like the unpaired socks in the dryer, I'll never know what happened to that cover). On the other hand now my camera looks newer so I need to go out and shoot with it, scrape it against some more walls and bang it around while I have my flash on it to loosen the hot shoe and make it look used again.

After the presentations were over today, the group went to the Clinton Presidential Library downtown for a reception. The library was an impressive structure and chronicled the accomplishments of the former president. I realize that this building was probably built with money donated by Clinton's supporters, but I hate to see so much money being poured into a project that does not serve much of a purpose to the general populace, only one man and a few of his supporters. A far greater legacy than a building, in my opinion, would have been to use the money for something that benefited others.
Despite my thoughts on the buildings usefulness, it is impressive. I took a few photos while I was there and selected a couple to post here. One is of the exterior and one is of a workshop participant looking at one of the displays.

An update!

So things have been pretty busy around here. I have neglected the blog for awhile but I am hoping to get back in the habit of posting here often. Tonight I went to a local hot air balloon festival. I haven't been shooting much for my own lately, so it was fun to get out and use my camera without the pressure of absolutely having to bring something back. The funny thing is that I will probably end up using some of the images for one of my classes, so there was a little more to it than just having fun. I guess I can't shoot for the pure love of photography anymore. Also, when you shoot for fun you don't get paid, which kind of sucks.

Lately I have been getting paid nearly every time shoot, so that is a great improvement from where I stood this time last year. I feel like I am finally moving forward at more than just a snail's pace. Maybe there is something good career-wise in my future. But enough ranting, here are the photos from tonight:












The bottom four shots were taken around the RE/MAX balloon which is piloted by Wayne Standefer out of Dallas, TX area. Standefer is the guy with the striped shirt in the basket. He need quite a few people to weigh down the balloon after he got it filled up as the wind was to strong to actually take off. The pilots will light up there balloons for the crowd, whether or not they can actually take off. This part of the evening is called "the Glow" and, as expected, is one of the most popular parts of the evening.

My work does get used

Yesterday I was shooting the second century convocation for my school, Abilene Christian University, along with the primary shooter for most of their events Gerald Ewing. They had a slideshow of the centennial celebration over this last year that was being shown on two huge screens hung from the ceiling. I saw a lot of Gerald's work and was going to congratulate him when I saw some of my photos that I had shot for the university being shown in the slideshow as well. I felt proud to have a few of my photos make it into the slideshow and to have been part of something as large as a schools year-long birthday celebration. Seeing the three or four photos of mine that made it to the slideshow was much like watching the paper being printed during my internship. I felt like I was a part of a team effort, and although I was only a small part of the team, I still felt proud to see that my work was included in the wrap-up of the year.

Portfolio Review

Yesterday I went to the local paper, The Abilene Reporter News, and had my portfolio reviewed by their photo editor, Robin Larson. I enjoyed the review and talking with a professional in the business. I was really impressed by Larson, especially when I found out that she went to a pretty prestigous Photo J school and had some incredible instructors. As for my portfolio, it fared pretty well. She wasn't the harshest critique I have ever had, but she flat out cut several photos pretty quickly and discussed with me why some of them were borderline. It was nice to hear some positive critiques as well. I can remember about three or four years ago (yes I have been in school that long already) when I had my work reviewed by another Reporter News editor, Matthew Minard, and left with maybe one keeper. So for me, to walk out of the paper with most of my portfolio intact was a good feeling.
Portfolio reviews can be rough, especially when the reviewer pretty much rejects everything you have and you feel like you are starting over. Yet that is necessary, and sometimes those are the best critiques.
For me the challenge will be twofold: To replace the weaker photos in my portfolio and to not feel too confident in the ones I am keeping. I personaly strive to be humble about my work, I don't want to get overconfident as that makes for a weak photographer (and a weak person as well in my book). I should walk away from a mostly positive review the same way I do from a negative one, with renewed vigor for my work and a sincere desire to better myself and my craft. I am unsure of what the future holds for my family and I right now, but I know that I will keep shaping myself into a better and better photographer and hopefully will find steady work as a result.

The post that almost was.

I just typed up a really great post for everyone to read that involved my daughter taking a big step, my internship and future career and Reese's Puffs but due to either a browser error or my stupidity it was erased. You would have liked it if you could have read it (trust me on this one). It may have been the best blog post ever. I think I am going to go console myself with some crunchy, peanut-buttery cereal.

My last day...

It's been awhile since I posted here, mainly because life has been pretty busy for me. Mary and the kids came to visit me this past Sunday, so I enjoyed a day and a couple evening with them but had to start on the OA's football tour early monday so they went home. I didn't go home this week because of the tour, but that's also why I had Sunday off. I have so much to say about what I learned here, and I will probably have a couple more posts about it. I think in a week or so I will be better able to express how much this summer has changed and molded me (probably even more than I realize now). I feel like I can shoot much better now, but its not just that. I feel like I have a clearer picture of who and what I need to be to succeed in this business. I may not be that person now, but I plan on getting there.

Also, newspaper photojournalism is hard on a person in ways I can't explain. I really don't think anyone who hasn't tried it could understand. Maybe Cade White can help me out here. Somehow, the more tired I am at the end of the day the more I feel like I did my job. It's the long hours, the skipping lunch (what, there's a meal in the middle of the day?!?!?!) and the hours spent in the midday sun just waiting for some event to actually start 30 minutes after you were told it would; It's all these and the hours spent hunched over a computer figuring out which photo is best or how to tell your editor you screwed it up that somehow make the job... a job I love. I failed plenty of times, I had to re-shoot a couple of assignments (you usually don't get that lucky. Spot news only happens once!) and in the end I learned alot about what makes a good newspaper photograph. In the end, I would have done the job for free, if they had asked me. Give me a camera, some vaguely worded photo assignments and a press pass and I'll go to work. (Note: I mean the photo assignment thing. They get pretty bad sometimes. Many of them just have the word "none" in the photo idea section. Gee, that really helps me out.) I wouldn't have it any other way though. I am looking forward to finding a job somewhere, and getting to do this more. Ia few years the daily grind might have changed my mind, but then again I might just like the daily grind.

Watching the press

Tonight I watched the first few papers come off the printing press at the Odessa American. Cade White had suggested it to me over a week ago, but I am usually out of the building long before the files are sent "upstairs" so I hadn't gotten around to it until now. Tonight I happened to be at the office late due to some spot news that came up literally as I was ready to walk out the door and go home. One of the reporters and I went to check out the operation upstairs and were told to come back in half an hour. Michael, the reporter, decided to go home but I just had a feeling I should stay and check it out since I only have a couple more weeks left and I might not be up at the office that late again.
It was worth the wait just to get a look at the operation. Although the printing press at the OA is over thirty years old, it works pretty fast. I got to keep one of the first papers off the press, which isn't really that big a deal but meant alot to me tonight. Somehow, seeing how things work up in the printing room was what I needed tonight. I know it's just a newspaper being printed, but it's "my paper", the one I work at (at least for a few more days). It's kind of like how I think my camera is special and performs 'better' at 3200 ISO than all the other identical camera bodies out there. (For those non-camera folks out there, pushing the sensor to this sensitiviy level loses detail in the shadows and creates excessive noise but is necessary sometimes when in low light such as indoor stadiums or when shooting an accident scene at night. No camera out today does very well at this sensitivity.) I also think my camera and I (yes I typed that correctly) can shoot at lower shutter speeds and still get a sharp picture where everyone else would fail. It's a foolish idea (don't tell Gertrude the camera I said that), but something that I think alot of us feel when we become attached to a thing or place. It becomes that much more special.
I felt like I was watching something special tonight, although in the end it was just another edition of the paper being printed like others all around the country. It's just ink on glorified toilet paper, uh, I mean really thin paper. My photos never look right, and somehow my copy always has crinkles in it, but when everything comes together you have a newspaper. So tonight, I didn't just watch another newspaper being printed, I watched the Odessa American being printed and somehow that made all the difference to me.

Why I like photojournalism (and why I don't like it some days)

Yesterday I spent a good deal of time covering a large, three-day Christian concert held between Midland and Odessa called Rock the Desert. At first things started well, we had had a lunceon for all of us interns at the office earlier and I drove out to the concert site with my editor Mark to shoot photos of the event. All went well until it began to rain lighlty right as we were about to meet up to head back to the office. Of course the weather is part of the coverage, so we stayed a little longer. I ended up taking a shot that went on the front page as the weather had postponed some of festivities.


Image © Odessa American

These people were waiting in line to buy merchandise for one of the bands that had just gotten off stage as the storm clouds built up in the background.

After taking longer than we planned to, it was off to the office for Mark and I. By the time we got back it was 5:45 p.m., and I had a 6:30 assignment. That gave me 45 minutes to turn in my photos and get across town. I was late, but it wouldn't have mattered whether I was 15 minutes early either since the worship dance group I was supposed to photograph wasn't doing anything. They were beginning to plan for an upcoming show in October and had just finished up one show, so they didn't have any routines or costumes. I made the mistake of telling the reporter I didn't have much time and that I needed to leave in 10 minutes so I could get back out to Rock the Desert by 7:30 (why me God?!?!? is what I was thinking). So the reporter asks the group to perform an older routine for us, and despite the fact that I tried to stop them from doing so they got very excited and went about getting prepared. The reason I didn't want them to do this is because the photos from something like this are what I call "canned", in other words the event/shot/etc. was put on merely for my benefit and would not have happened if I had not been there. So I shot the photos, although I am going to talk to Mark about it and see if we can reshoot them. I just had a bad feeling in my gut about doing something like that. Now I have to include that the photos were basically posed for me in the cutline or I am dealing with an ethics issue. This is not aimed at this particular reporter, who is usually great to work with, but facts should be checked before writing up an assingment. It is frustrating to walk into somthing like this, especially with limited time.

So, after shooting the dance group I leave for the concert (late again I might add). I am supposed to be there to cover a "special guest" that ended up being a presidential impersonator that never even got to speak. Everything was going well until the rain started, this time very heavily. So sometime after 8:15 I find myself hudled in a tent with about 100 other people trying to stay dry and shooting everything I can. People praying, running in the rain, tents and stands being blown over, and families huddling together.


These people were trying to gather their belongings and get to shelter.


This girl is a part of a group called the Jesus Crew from Abilene (my hometown!). They are praying for the rain to stop.


Here this boy is praying out in the rain covered by just a blanket.

All the while water is getting all over my camera and lenses and even though I know the camera and my main lens are water-sealed I was worrying. Finallyaround 8:45 I decide I need to run back to my truck. I take off my button up shirt (good thing I had a t-shirt on underneath) and wrapped it around my camera leaving a little room around the lens in case I saw anything on the way and made a mad dash to my truck. I ended up waiting over and hour and 20 minutes just to get to the highway since I had wisely chosen to park in the sponsor are which was far, far from the road. I finally walk into the apartment cold, wet , tired and angry around 11:00. I told myself I had had a horrible day, but in the back of my mind I couldn't help but disagree with myself. It had been a crazy day, but still a good one since I got to photograph the world around me. I guess there is a part of journalist that feeds on the challenges and obstacles that sometimes pop up in the field. So I really do like this job, even when I don't.

A new look...

I'm trying out a new look for the blog. I think I agree with Cheryl Bacon's comment on my last post about the white on black causing eye strain. (On a side note involving Cheryl and Cade White, my photojournalism advisor, it's really nice to have faculty actually read up on what a student is posting) I originally chose the black background because this blog was much more picture heavy and I thought they black made the photos stick out a little more, but as of late I haven't been posting as many photos as I have been describing my experiences here. I am also going to try and break up some of the longer posts into two or more different posts so that no one has to read such large chunks of text. I was going back over the past couple of posts and was amazed at how long they turned out. I think I may keep posting to this blog as I finish up school and start hunting for a job in the near future, so I need to make sure that I keep it looking nice and easily readable. I don't need to go off and forget all those design and visual presentation guidelines I learned at ole ACU as now, more than ever, a photojournalist has to have multiple skills under his or her belt.

I just realized that I actually have less than three weeks until I am done with my internship now, which makes me a little sad and a little happy since I will be back at home in Abilene for awhile. Mary had asked me about this the other day but it didn't really sink in to my brain how short a time that really is until now. I am ready to be back home and be a full-time husband and daddy again, but I will miss the job and all the friends I have made here. Today most of the reporters and three of us photographers went to lunch together (yup, there were lots of jokes about the biggest spot news of the year going down in that hour) and we had a great time. I really like the staff of the OA hope to see some of them down the road in the field or working with them somewhere. I am still unsure of whether I can make it in this business or not, but I am going to keep trying for now, I think once I get back home and have some time to go over what I have learned this summer I will be able to apply more of it to my work.
Today I had a wierd moment after I shot the aftermath of a church parsonage fire that happened very early this morning. I took some photos of the granddaughters of the church's pastor digging out her jewelry, and then some overall shots of the damage and some more of the family digging through the rubble. When I got back, the editor-in-chief, the managing editor, the editorial page editor (that's a mouthful) and the senior reporter crowded around my workstation to see the photos as that was the biggest news of the day. I felt awkward because although the photos were from a big story, I'm used to just talking about a shoot with Mark, my editor. Everyone had their input and in the end I think we picked out the best shots, but I have to admit that after everyone left I just had a wierd feeling about the whole thing. We had been invaded. Its not anything against the rest of the staff, but we are used to being an island, with only a few visitors a day and even then usually for only a small amount of time. Thats why they keep us photogs in a different room (the one where the air conditioner didn't work well most of the summer). We all work together at the paper, but in the photo room there is a different atmosphere. We are our own breed of newsman (or woman as it may be). At least thats how I have read the situation, and the "vibe", for lack of a better word, that I have gotten. I am not saying that anything outright wrong happened, just that it felt awkward. Maybe it was the feeling that Mark ought to be making the call on what looked good or didn't look good, or maybe just the fact that I felt crowded. Now I'm not complaining as it was nice to hear the editor-in-chief tell me I did a good job, and I liked getting input from multiple people. But it just felt more "normal" to hear Mark say "that photos ok, I guess we could use it as a secondary..." or "I guess that's the best we got..." as he looks at the photo everybody else got excited about. Mark doesn't hand out compliments, in fact I don't think "great" is in his vocabulary while on the job, and I don't expect to hear it. He is a tough editor but also very professional, he doesn't throw stuff around and call all your work crap like I have heard of or read about online. He just tells it like it is and lets you know that you could have done better. One of my personal goals early on was to make him get excited with a really great photo, but now I don't think that will happen whether or not I take a great photo, it's just not the way he works. The other day he told me several of the staff members liked a portrait I had taken, and I asked him if he liked it (mistake on my part) and he got a serious look and said "it was alright" and went back to work. Somehow an alright from Mark isn't too bad at all. At least he didn't sit me down and explain all the reasons why it didn't work well or why it didn't tell me much about he subject, although I would have listened to every word he said and taken mental notes if he did.

While I'm here...

Sometimes while on assignment I shoot photos that I am pretty sure won't make it for the paper or don't really go along with my assignment. I take these photos because I think they are good photos, regardless of whether they fit the assignment or are not what the paper was looking for. I don't spend too much time on them, I don't want to miss a shot for my assignment, but I do look for them. Most of these are at least a couple weeks old, but thought that my friends and family (and anyone else who stumbles upon this blog) might want to see something a little different.







These first three are from the Imperial Reservoir assignment some of you may remember from nearly a month ago. I wanted to take some scenics, and thought they might look interesting in black and white instead of color as you would normally see.








These are from a trip to a local bar/rodeo arena one Sunday afternoon for bullriding.






These last two are my kids, I haven't posted any photos of them here recently so I thought I would add them on here as a special treat for any family members of mine who check this blog in the next few days. I really miss being with my kids on a daily basis, it's one of the hardest things about this internship. My wife Maria can understand why I am gone, although I miss her very much as well and I know it has been very hard on her, but my little daughter doesn't really understand why "going to work" means I have to leave her for nearly a week at a time. Maria tells me that there are days she wanders around the house looking under closed doors calling out my name, and I often have to choke back tears when she tells me this. I know it affects my daughter because I have stopped recieving the endless flow of sloppy kisses that I used to get nearly every day we were together. Those kisses are what fuels a father, in a way, and I really hope that she will forget about my being gone so much when the internship ends.

Better late than never....

Here are a couple of images I took last Sunday and on the 4th. I stayed an extra day this week and took my 'weekend' a day later so I pretty much forgot about posting them here.
These first two are from the patriotic celebration one of the Baptist churches downtown held Sunday July 2. I will include the captions beneath them. (note: as always there may be errors in spelling in this version of the captions. I DO spellcheck when I turn the captions in to the copy desk before they go into the paper.)


A model of the Statue of Liberty took center stage at First Baptist Church Sunday evening for a patriotic celebration. The celebration included the choir, a barbershop quartet, an orchestra and members of the armed forces. Image © Odessa American


A mother holds her young boy as he waves a miniature flag during the Patriotic Celebration at First Baptist Church. The program honored those that have fought and died for our freedom as well as those who currently defend it. Image © Odessa American

Here I should add that I learned a lesson that should have been obvious to me: Don't use a photo if you don't know exactly who the people are or their relationship to one another. In the photo above, I don't know for a fact whether it is her son and I shouldn't have worded the caption so. I shouldn't have even used the photo at all. As Mark told, regardless of whether it is a good photo or not if you don't have the proper info don't use it. I could not get to them to get the info because they were in the center of the middle pew and had people packed in aroudn them. I wanted to wait, but I was already pushing my deadline for these photos and needed to get to a baseball game (that ended up not being used, ironically). I really liked this shot, and my infatuation with it blinded me to an obvious error on my part. Some lessons, even simple ones, are learned the hard way. This photo ran on the front page and earned me a scolding from both my editor and an email from the editor-in-chief. Needless to say, I am getting caption info now, no matter how hard it is to get to the subjects.

**I am currently having trouble with blogger so I will have to upload the last couple of photos later.**

Thanks...

I just want to thank the friends and family who actually read my post June 29th (the where I needed to vent a little bit)and took the time to visit with me about it or emailed me or posted a comment here. The encouragement really helped and I think I have gotten over most of what I felt, although I have been tempted to hang up my camera for good a couple more times. My Photo J professor, Cade White, has suggested I take up a side project to help me work out some of my problems and mental blocks. I think I will take him up on his advice. I have already found a person from an earlier assignment who I think would make a nice feature package. I posted a picture of his funny bike a week or so ago, but he has more interesting trinkets and inventions of his own. I went to his house for about an hour today and shot a few photographs, several of which I like. Like always though, I think if I go back I can do even better. I am going to try and pitch the idea to Mark on Monday, but even if he doesn't think it will work out I will probably continue shooting on it for myself. Also, Cade suggested that I take up something that will really help me connect with the humanity in my subjects, so I am keeping my eye out for the "little" stories that I can tell with my camera. Tonight I am going with a reporter to a house for the homeless and drug addicts for a prayer meeting of some sort. Another photographer did a feature on the place but I think I could find a lead to something else that is related but seperate there. I am going to keep my eyes and ears open tonight for something that could turn into a story.

A trip to the rodeo

Yesterday I went with one of the Sports writers, Lee Scheide, to the Rodeo in Pecos. Pecos claims to be the site of the first rodeo and this years was the 124th rodeo there. We got there a little early so I though I would shoot some feature stuff on the cowboys and just the general atmosphere until the event started. Things started and 8:00 with the grand procession, then the events started and about 8:20. I had a deadline of 9:30, and I needed to be at the hotel down the street around nine in order to download, process and send the files via FTP server. I didn't have much shooting time, but it wasn't too bad. I actually got the last file to the paper around 9:45 since the wireless connection wasn't exactly speedy and they asked for a couple more shots of a specific rider who wasn't in my initial batch. I thought I would go ahead and present a few of the photos I took before the rodeo and one from later on in the evening here. Feel free to let me know what you think, I can always use some good criticism.

pardon me for venting...

I am feeling kind of lousy today. I shot 4 assignments today and don't feel like I captured anything special at all. I have been feeling this way pretty often lately, it's like I am dead creatively when I am pressing the shutter button. I really don't know what is wrong with me, and I am starting to second guess whether I really need to continue on with my chosen field. I don't think I am doing anyting that sets my photographs apart from the rest of the world, and I don't think I am trying very hard right now either. I don't think I have been able to really "get" into my work lately, and I am afraid the guys at the paper can see that as well. I don't know what is wrong, but this is the worst time for me to let myself down. I really feel like I am just looking through a box and pressing my finger randomly to get an end result that will work for my particular assignment. The thing is, when I started down this path I would stay hours on end just to get one good photograph, and I didn't take so many shots of the same thing. I was much more conservative with my exposures, and I think that my shooting digitally has a little to do with that. Don't get me wrong, I love my digital camera and I always will but there was a time when I would have three rolls to shoot an assignment for the ACU yearbook and I would have to make each frame count, because I couldn't stop and look at the histogram to check my exposure and then delete and re-shoot it if necessary. I had to know that my exposure would work without the luxury of an LCD preview. I have tried turning the preview off and shooting the same way I used to, but I always lose the willpower to keep it up and go back to looking at the screen a few minutes later. I really like being able to download and assignment or shoot minutes after I get back to my house or the office, so digital really does make my life easier, it's just that my mindset has changed in response to the convenience, and for the worse I think. It's like how using zooms instead of prime lenses makes some photographers lazy visually since they don't have to move themselves and they no longe "see" in a certain focal legnth. I used to be able to pre-visualize certain focal lengths much better myself, but now feel like things are all out of whack. Still, the problem isn't with my mode of capture as much as it is my mind and my "photographic eye", if I even have one (I am beginning to doubt I have the creativity it takes to make it in this business). I just don't see right it seems for this job. Almost every assignment I look at has major flaws in it. Why didn't I get this shot instead of that one? or Why didn't I realize I should have stepped backards and to the left or forward and to the right? I have been shooting for four years and this summer I feel like I am a beginner, it is so depressing. I read about these awesome men and women who pick up a camera at 22 just for a hobby and are making big bucks by 24, they have so much natural talent and I just can't help but be jealous. Why can't I do that, what is the difference? Am I so lazy mentally that I just don't know how to use the device in front of my face to be creative? Why does everything look so good in the viewfinder when I compose it and look likc crap on the computer screen? I look at my favorite photographers work and wish I had their sight, their vision, but no matter how hard I push myself to see the world differently when I open my eyes it all looks like it did before. I do occasinally do something right and nail a good shot or two, but it seems like even when I do something others like it is not good enough for me. I know somewhere inside of me there is a better picturel, but I sure as hell can't find it right now. If you actually read this and made it this far let me apologize to you for wasting your time. I am angry with myself and feel lost right now and couldn't figure out any better way to get it all out than to type it out of my system. Being away from my family has alot to do with my attitude right now as well. Hopefully between now and August 11th I can either figure out whether I need to keep it up or sell my camera and look for another job.

An interesting person

I saw this guy riding his three-wheeled bike down the road and had to stop and take a few photos. I turned a better shot in where you can see his face to the paper, butI really liked this one as well so I thought I would post it here. This guy just likes to build things, so he added onto his bike. He has a toilet seat, a cot, a fishing pole and tackle, a tire pump, a whip to fend off dogs and a jug of water. He doesn't use most of it, I think he just likes the challenge of creating a vehicle that could meet all of his needs should he ever find himself in need of it. People like this are why I enjoy journalism.

A sad tale of loss...

It seems that I lost my flash Thursday and didn't even realize it until Friday afternoon. I think it fell out of my truck on the side of the road while I was either getting my gear out or putting it up. I had been shooting road construction and parked in a couple different places along the highway. I went back yesterday and looked on the side of the road without any luck, but I am still going to double check the locations I parked again today. I am really upset as it was a good tool (and I had also just bought a light stand, pc cord and umbrella so I could take it off camera for environmental portaits and such) and cost quite a bit as well. Luckily I can either borrow one of the paper's flashes or my roommate Rafael's for the rest of the sumer. Eventually though, I will have to shell out some more money for my own again as it is a valuable tool that can really add a nice element to photographs when used correctly. On the subject of flash, I really think point and shoots have trained people to think about flash all wrong. I can talk about that another time however.
On a positive note, I think I am finally finding my groove here. I feel much more comfortable on assignments and I feel that my work is getting better. I have had many talks and short critique sessions with Mark and the others as well as rereading the words of Henri Cartier Bresson for inspiration and I think I can recognize a good news photograph much better now. I believe that is the first step to creating better photographs.

A much needed update and some photos

Well, I have had a long week. I need to post some photos and let people know I am still here in Odessa working away. I seriously love the job and feel like every day my eyes are opened a little bit more. I only thought I was a competent photojournalis before this summer, but that's ok since I am turning myself into one with the help from the other shoooters here and my editor Mark.
On a personal note, this weekend was a little sad for me because I had to spend Father's Day away from my family. This was my second Father's Day and the first one since my son came into this world. I really missed them, and although I had a good day at work just couldn't help but feel a little depressed when I went to sleep that night. To make it worse for my wife, here own father was gone that day. Luckily she was able to spend the day with my parents which was probably an awesome Father's Day present for my dad.

Now it's time for a much needed photo upload.

This first bunch is from a feature the paper did on a reservoir near the town of Grandfalls, TX. I spent most of my Sunday two weeks ago working on this assignment.


These kids are from a family that visits the reservoir often. I spent some time visiting and talking with them, they really like spending their weekends at the reservoir.

Believe it or not, I actually got to eat one of these tasty steaks later. I spent about an hour and a half with this family, and then the father offered me a steak and a tortilla and I couldn't say no.

Many families spend the entire weekend camped out on the shore of the reservoir.

There are also quite a few boaters out as well.

This was the lead shot for our spread on the reservoir. Mark and I spent some time looking at photos that could work as the lead photo and eventually settled on this one.

All Images © Odessa American


Here are some more photos from daily assignments. I will include the caption info that is embedded into the file with each one.


County Commissioner Freddie Gardner receives a helping of boiled shrimp at the eighth annual Meals on Wheels Mudbug fundraiser Monday night at Graham Central Station. Image © Odessa American


Jimmy Diller (left) and Sherrel Brown, volunteers, prepare catfish filets Monday evening at Graham Central Station. 1200 people were expected to show up for the annual event, which benefits Meals of Wheels. Image © Odessa American


Regan Anderson, 17, waits patiently as her mother ap-plies her makeup for the 8th annual Juneteenth pageant at Blackshear Elementary School Thursday evening. Image © Odessa American


Gary Varnadore keeps a close eye on the ball as it nears the hole of the first green at Odessa Country Club Thursday during the 43rd annual Quarter Century Partnership golf tournament.
Image © Odessa American


Mickey Scott Tees off at the 4th hole of the newly renovated Odessa Country Club Thursday Afternoon during the 43rd annual Quarter Century Partnership golf tournament. Image © Odessa American


David Carr Jr. plays the saxaphone to a small crowd in the Noel Heritage Plaza Friday night in a concert sponsored by the Odessa Council for the Arts and Humanities. Image © Odessa American


Don Norris, Minister of Education at First Baptist Church sits in the sanctuary of the church with a bible. Image © Odessa American


A young boy opens up a valve and gets a splash of water in the face at Sherwood Aquatic Center Friday afternoon. Image © Odessa American


Davis Sovil comes up for air during the 500 meter swim at the Tumbleweed Triathalon Sunday Morning at the University of Texas of the Permian Basin pool. The 500 meter swim was the first event of the morning. Image © Odessa American

Penny Wasem nears the end of her 3.1 mile run, the last leg of the Tumbleweed Triathalon. Image © Odessa American

So there is what I have been doing up until Monday of last this week. I will try to update this weekend or Monday with some more work.

Update...

I haven't updated much this week because I left my laptop at home and have not had much time to use the work computers to updated. I thought I would let everyone know that I am still alive and loving my work. Today I actually went to a KKK Rally/Protest against illegal immigration. Some anti-KKK protestors got out of hand and some were arrested, there was alot of screaming and yelling; it was intense, and then it was over suddenly. The wacky thing is that I shot 400 frames and only one will be used, which isn't that unusual for a news photographer but on this assignment I could have published a whole page of photos that told some part of the story. I will probably put some of them up here (most likely in black and white since I am in love with that medium currently) some time this week. Last night, my friend Raf and I took out all our old film cameras that we owned or had access to through work (Raf has an awesome equipment closet up at UTPB) and talked until two in the morning about when we started shooting and how things have changed in the past few years. If I could find someone who would fund some photo stories/essays and let me shoot my Canon 1N and Leica loaded up with some Tri-x, I would jump at the chance. I love digital but film has it's benefits too, like a greater tonal range (at least when compared to the current camera sensors, this will change in the near future) and many films just had a particular signature look that is hard to replicate. There is software that comes very close, and I will probably buy it soon, but shooting the realy thing just feels good. But I digress... I will start posting pics from the past week as soon as I can get some serious time in front a computer.

A new experience

This evening I shot my first Arena football game, and it was interesting. The whole arena football thing hasn't really caught my interest until today. It is a much faster, higher scoring version of football as most of us know it. I won't post any of the shots that the paper will be using, but I have a few that I liked to put up here tonight. I also have a couple from yesterday to post here. Some of the photos are missing complete caption info as I failed to copy all of the original files that had the caption info added on.


These first three are from a youth track meet held in Odessa on Friday.

Image © Odessa American


A young girl practices for the long jump with her father.


Justin Smith placed second in Discus in the young men's division at the Dr. Daniel Cepero Memorial Track Meet with a throw of 90 feet Friday evening at Rafliff Stadium in Odessa. Image © Odessa American.

This one is from an assignment where an intern reporter asked for some "mugs". Cindeka and I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to try an environmental portrait. I think it turned out ok, but I need to work on my lighting.

These two sisters (the religous kind) are leaving Odessa. Their order, the Daughters of Charity, have had at least one member in the city since 1982.


For the football game tonight, I had to shoot 3200 ISO just to get a fast enough shutter speed to catch the action, I have never really had to use this high an ISO for anything professional yet. The lighting was typical arena fare, or maybe even worse. The local team, the Roughnecks is actually very good though, and scored within the first minute of play. I decided to go with black and white for these shots since they are not your typical football shots, and also because I felt they lent themselves to that medium. They are pretty much self explanatory, but I will add a few comments after each.



For once, arena lighting worked out in my favor. A spot light actually illuminated something important instead of causing flare in my lens.

Again, the spotlight created a dramatic image. I will try to reshoot this one however, or look for something better that has some of the same elements. I do think it is a good try however.

For some reason, I thought this was a neat visual. These small little cheerleaders standing in front of the crowd had such amazing potential. While I think I captured a little of that, this image could be reshot or rethought to make a better final product.
I really think that the arena football team could be a great source for a photo essay. I got a couple that could work in an essay from just the hour I was there (I couldn't stay long because of deadline). I may pitch the idea to Mark on Monday, and I'll post any progress on it here.