pardon me for venting...

I am feeling kind of lousy today. I shot 4 assignments today and don't feel like I captured anything special at all. I have been feeling this way pretty often lately, it's like I am dead creatively when I am pressing the shutter button. I really don't know what is wrong with me, and I am starting to second guess whether I really need to continue on with my chosen field. I don't think I am doing anyting that sets my photographs apart from the rest of the world, and I don't think I am trying very hard right now either. I don't think I have been able to really "get" into my work lately, and I am afraid the guys at the paper can see that as well. I don't know what is wrong, but this is the worst time for me to let myself down. I really feel like I am just looking through a box and pressing my finger randomly to get an end result that will work for my particular assignment. The thing is, when I started down this path I would stay hours on end just to get one good photograph, and I didn't take so many shots of the same thing. I was much more conservative with my exposures, and I think that my shooting digitally has a little to do with that. Don't get me wrong, I love my digital camera and I always will but there was a time when I would have three rolls to shoot an assignment for the ACU yearbook and I would have to make each frame count, because I couldn't stop and look at the histogram to check my exposure and then delete and re-shoot it if necessary. I had to know that my exposure would work without the luxury of an LCD preview. I have tried turning the preview off and shooting the same way I used to, but I always lose the willpower to keep it up and go back to looking at the screen a few minutes later. I really like being able to download and assignment or shoot minutes after I get back to my house or the office, so digital really does make my life easier, it's just that my mindset has changed in response to the convenience, and for the worse I think. It's like how using zooms instead of prime lenses makes some photographers lazy visually since they don't have to move themselves and they no longe "see" in a certain focal legnth. I used to be able to pre-visualize certain focal lengths much better myself, but now feel like things are all out of whack. Still, the problem isn't with my mode of capture as much as it is my mind and my "photographic eye", if I even have one (I am beginning to doubt I have the creativity it takes to make it in this business). I just don't see right it seems for this job. Almost every assignment I look at has major flaws in it. Why didn't I get this shot instead of that one? or Why didn't I realize I should have stepped backards and to the left or forward and to the right? I have been shooting for four years and this summer I feel like I am a beginner, it is so depressing. I read about these awesome men and women who pick up a camera at 22 just for a hobby and are making big bucks by 24, they have so much natural talent and I just can't help but be jealous. Why can't I do that, what is the difference? Am I so lazy mentally that I just don't know how to use the device in front of my face to be creative? Why does everything look so good in the viewfinder when I compose it and look likc crap on the computer screen? I look at my favorite photographers work and wish I had their sight, their vision, but no matter how hard I push myself to see the world differently when I open my eyes it all looks like it did before. I do occasinally do something right and nail a good shot or two, but it seems like even when I do something others like it is not good enough for me. I know somewhere inside of me there is a better picturel, but I sure as hell can't find it right now. If you actually read this and made it this far let me apologize to you for wasting your time. I am angry with myself and feel lost right now and couldn't figure out any better way to get it all out than to type it out of my system. Being away from my family has alot to do with my attitude right now as well. Hopefully between now and August 11th I can either figure out whether I need to keep it up or sell my camera and look for another job.

An interesting person

I saw this guy riding his three-wheeled bike down the road and had to stop and take a few photos. I turned a better shot in where you can see his face to the paper, butI really liked this one as well so I thought I would post it here. This guy just likes to build things, so he added onto his bike. He has a toilet seat, a cot, a fishing pole and tackle, a tire pump, a whip to fend off dogs and a jug of water. He doesn't use most of it, I think he just likes the challenge of creating a vehicle that could meet all of his needs should he ever find himself in need of it. People like this are why I enjoy journalism.

A sad tale of loss...

It seems that I lost my flash Thursday and didn't even realize it until Friday afternoon. I think it fell out of my truck on the side of the road while I was either getting my gear out or putting it up. I had been shooting road construction and parked in a couple different places along the highway. I went back yesterday and looked on the side of the road without any luck, but I am still going to double check the locations I parked again today. I am really upset as it was a good tool (and I had also just bought a light stand, pc cord and umbrella so I could take it off camera for environmental portaits and such) and cost quite a bit as well. Luckily I can either borrow one of the paper's flashes or my roommate Rafael's for the rest of the sumer. Eventually though, I will have to shell out some more money for my own again as it is a valuable tool that can really add a nice element to photographs when used correctly. On the subject of flash, I really think point and shoots have trained people to think about flash all wrong. I can talk about that another time however.
On a positive note, I think I am finally finding my groove here. I feel much more comfortable on assignments and I feel that my work is getting better. I have had many talks and short critique sessions with Mark and the others as well as rereading the words of Henri Cartier Bresson for inspiration and I think I can recognize a good news photograph much better now. I believe that is the first step to creating better photographs.

A much needed update and some photos

Well, I have had a long week. I need to post some photos and let people know I am still here in Odessa working away. I seriously love the job and feel like every day my eyes are opened a little bit more. I only thought I was a competent photojournalis before this summer, but that's ok since I am turning myself into one with the help from the other shoooters here and my editor Mark.
On a personal note, this weekend was a little sad for me because I had to spend Father's Day away from my family. This was my second Father's Day and the first one since my son came into this world. I really missed them, and although I had a good day at work just couldn't help but feel a little depressed when I went to sleep that night. To make it worse for my wife, here own father was gone that day. Luckily she was able to spend the day with my parents which was probably an awesome Father's Day present for my dad.

Now it's time for a much needed photo upload.

This first bunch is from a feature the paper did on a reservoir near the town of Grandfalls, TX. I spent most of my Sunday two weeks ago working on this assignment.


These kids are from a family that visits the reservoir often. I spent some time visiting and talking with them, they really like spending their weekends at the reservoir.

Believe it or not, I actually got to eat one of these tasty steaks later. I spent about an hour and a half with this family, and then the father offered me a steak and a tortilla and I couldn't say no.

Many families spend the entire weekend camped out on the shore of the reservoir.

There are also quite a few boaters out as well.

This was the lead shot for our spread on the reservoir. Mark and I spent some time looking at photos that could work as the lead photo and eventually settled on this one.

All Images © Odessa American


Here are some more photos from daily assignments. I will include the caption info that is embedded into the file with each one.


County Commissioner Freddie Gardner receives a helping of boiled shrimp at the eighth annual Meals on Wheels Mudbug fundraiser Monday night at Graham Central Station. Image © Odessa American


Jimmy Diller (left) and Sherrel Brown, volunteers, prepare catfish filets Monday evening at Graham Central Station. 1200 people were expected to show up for the annual event, which benefits Meals of Wheels. Image © Odessa American


Regan Anderson, 17, waits patiently as her mother ap-plies her makeup for the 8th annual Juneteenth pageant at Blackshear Elementary School Thursday evening. Image © Odessa American


Gary Varnadore keeps a close eye on the ball as it nears the hole of the first green at Odessa Country Club Thursday during the 43rd annual Quarter Century Partnership golf tournament.
Image © Odessa American


Mickey Scott Tees off at the 4th hole of the newly renovated Odessa Country Club Thursday Afternoon during the 43rd annual Quarter Century Partnership golf tournament. Image © Odessa American


David Carr Jr. plays the saxaphone to a small crowd in the Noel Heritage Plaza Friday night in a concert sponsored by the Odessa Council for the Arts and Humanities. Image © Odessa American


Don Norris, Minister of Education at First Baptist Church sits in the sanctuary of the church with a bible. Image © Odessa American


A young boy opens up a valve and gets a splash of water in the face at Sherwood Aquatic Center Friday afternoon. Image © Odessa American


Davis Sovil comes up for air during the 500 meter swim at the Tumbleweed Triathalon Sunday Morning at the University of Texas of the Permian Basin pool. The 500 meter swim was the first event of the morning. Image © Odessa American

Penny Wasem nears the end of her 3.1 mile run, the last leg of the Tumbleweed Triathalon. Image © Odessa American

So there is what I have been doing up until Monday of last this week. I will try to update this weekend or Monday with some more work.

Update...

I haven't updated much this week because I left my laptop at home and have not had much time to use the work computers to updated. I thought I would let everyone know that I am still alive and loving my work. Today I actually went to a KKK Rally/Protest against illegal immigration. Some anti-KKK protestors got out of hand and some were arrested, there was alot of screaming and yelling; it was intense, and then it was over suddenly. The wacky thing is that I shot 400 frames and only one will be used, which isn't that unusual for a news photographer but on this assignment I could have published a whole page of photos that told some part of the story. I will probably put some of them up here (most likely in black and white since I am in love with that medium currently) some time this week. Last night, my friend Raf and I took out all our old film cameras that we owned or had access to through work (Raf has an awesome equipment closet up at UTPB) and talked until two in the morning about when we started shooting and how things have changed in the past few years. If I could find someone who would fund some photo stories/essays and let me shoot my Canon 1N and Leica loaded up with some Tri-x, I would jump at the chance. I love digital but film has it's benefits too, like a greater tonal range (at least when compared to the current camera sensors, this will change in the near future) and many films just had a particular signature look that is hard to replicate. There is software that comes very close, and I will probably buy it soon, but shooting the realy thing just feels good. But I digress... I will start posting pics from the past week as soon as I can get some serious time in front a computer.

A new experience

This evening I shot my first Arena football game, and it was interesting. The whole arena football thing hasn't really caught my interest until today. It is a much faster, higher scoring version of football as most of us know it. I won't post any of the shots that the paper will be using, but I have a few that I liked to put up here tonight. I also have a couple from yesterday to post here. Some of the photos are missing complete caption info as I failed to copy all of the original files that had the caption info added on.


These first three are from a youth track meet held in Odessa on Friday.

Image © Odessa American


A young girl practices for the long jump with her father.


Justin Smith placed second in Discus in the young men's division at the Dr. Daniel Cepero Memorial Track Meet with a throw of 90 feet Friday evening at Rafliff Stadium in Odessa. Image © Odessa American.

This one is from an assignment where an intern reporter asked for some "mugs". Cindeka and I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to try an environmental portrait. I think it turned out ok, but I need to work on my lighting.

These two sisters (the religous kind) are leaving Odessa. Their order, the Daughters of Charity, have had at least one member in the city since 1982.


For the football game tonight, I had to shoot 3200 ISO just to get a fast enough shutter speed to catch the action, I have never really had to use this high an ISO for anything professional yet. The lighting was typical arena fare, or maybe even worse. The local team, the Roughnecks is actually very good though, and scored within the first minute of play. I decided to go with black and white for these shots since they are not your typical football shots, and also because I felt they lent themselves to that medium. They are pretty much self explanatory, but I will add a few comments after each.



For once, arena lighting worked out in my favor. A spot light actually illuminated something important instead of causing flare in my lens.

Again, the spotlight created a dramatic image. I will try to reshoot this one however, or look for something better that has some of the same elements. I do think it is a good try however.

For some reason, I thought this was a neat visual. These small little cheerleaders standing in front of the crowd had such amazing potential. While I think I captured a little of that, this image could be reshot or rethought to make a better final product.
I really think that the arena football team could be a great source for a photo essay. I got a couple that could work in an essay from just the hour I was there (I couldn't stay long because of deadline). I may pitch the idea to Mark on Monday, and I'll post any progress on it here.

Photos from yesterday

Here are some photos from yesterday. I will let the captions explain each photo.


Daniel Garcia (left), son of graduating resident Avelino Garcia (center), waits with his sister Ehana, their grandmother Bernarda Gomez and their mother Nayibe for their fathers name to be called during the Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center at the Permian Basin graduation Thursday evening. TTUHSC graduated 18 residents in three departments. Image © Odessa American


Gary Rhodes/Odessa American
Abel Martinez, intern vehicle operator with Ark Contracting Services, takes a nap in tractor bucket during his lunch Thursday. ACS is currently installing the reinforced earth wall along the overpass by the JBS parkway exit of I-20.



Crane's clear out the basement of the Professional Tower building, located on Washington avenue between 3rd and 4th street. The Ector County Hospital District Board approved a bid from NC Sturgeon to build a parking lot in its place.

Of the three, the shot of the man napping in the tractor bucket is my favorite. It's one of those interesting scenes that you come across when you are looking for something else. I will be working late tomorrow, so I might not be posting anything else until Sunday.

Dirt, heat and more dirt

This morning when I got to work there weren't any assignments on the board for me, so Mark suggested I go shoot the final days of an office building that is being torn down and then photograph the construction of an overpass on I-20. Both assignments were things that the paper has been covering for awhile, so they would just be updates. The first job at the demolished building went by pretty quickly. I was amazed at how they had torn down and 8 or 9 story building and were working on getting debris out of the basement. (By the way, I am going to start posting photos the day after so I don't beat the paper in getting photos out. I realized the other day that many times I put stuff on at 10:00 or 11:00 that isn't out until the next morning in the paper.)
The next assignment was a little more of a challenge, although the supervisor did give me a free hard hat and vest. He was a really nice guy, he explained alot of how their operation works and when they might be doing some interesting stuff in the future. There was a ton of dust though, and it was hot (the type of heat found only West Texas). My camera was covered in a find layer of dust, so when I wanted to change lenses I tried to cover it up. To my surprise when I pulled my 20-35 lens off dust flew from the rear element, which means it was close to or on the sensor as well. I am not talking about a light layer of dust, but grains of sand falling from the back of the lens as I put into the lens bag on my belt system. I was so worried about hurting my camera, but had to go on. I figured that's why I payed thousands of dollars for professional level gear that could take a beating and keep working. Later on, in the office, I blew whatever dust I could off the sensor and lens element, unfortunately I left my cleaing cloth in Abilene, and will try to get another one here in town to clean my lenses with. I think I have a sensor swab left that is going to get filthy here in a few minutes.
Surprisingly, there wasn't much dust shown in the images when I looked at them on the monitor. I guess it wasn't as bad as it looked. I felt dirty all day though, and the rest of my assignments were in normal conditions and not too hard on my gear. Looking at my camera though, I have put more scratches on the finish in the past three weeks that in the whole year since I bought it.
After my experiences my first few weeks I am seriously thinking about finding a second hand body and a new zoom or a couple of prime lenses to round out my system. I don't want the consumer or prosumer bodies though, they would have let even more dirt into the camera today, or I would only be able to use them when they wouldn't be exposed to the elements. Today convinced me that pro equipment is the way to go, it survives dust, light rain, jello and more.

June 4, 2006

I keep thinking about the lady who was killed in the car wreck on Friday. Last night I found out a friend worked with her (she was a teacher), and then I went to my roomate's church class this morning and we prayed for her family. Someone mentioned that she was married and had two kids also. All I could think about during prayer was the blood stained car and how a family was now suffering and missing a mother. I know it could have been much, much worse, but it seems like people in the community are talking about it alot and I hear it discussed wherever I am. I don't want to tell people that I took the photo of the scene, even though it's not gruesome or offensive (at least to me). I know it's a part of the job, and I'm willing to do it I am going to try and find out when and where her funeral will be held and go if I am in town.
I have Tuesday and Wednesday off again (I will most weeks), and I can't wait to get back to Mary and the kids. Mary sent me some photos from a trip to the zoo tonight and seeing them really makes me miss them. I hope I can find a photojournalism job soon after I graduate so I can have my family near me and enjoy my work too. I will try to post some photos from this weekend in the next couple of days, althoug I really haven't done much lately since this weekend has been pretty slow.

A day of extremes

Mark called me on my way out the door this morning and asked me to shoot some photos of a cowboy group who was putting on a Pony Express ride to the city of Seminole, TX. I had fun on this assignment and enjoyed hanging out with the cowboys, people who are usually fun in general. Not long after I got back to the office, I went out with one of the reporters, Casey, to the scene of a fatal rollover. This was my first accident scene, and to have it be a fatality made things that more wierd and surreal for me. I really had to watch what I shot, and try to not to anger the state troopers by getting too close. I went back to the Odessa American and went over the photos with Mark and Gene Powell, assistant managing editor. They helped me pick out the best photo that wasn't too graphic or offensive (I should note that I did not intentionally shoot anything to be offensive but at the scene of a fatal rollover it's not hard to find some pretty sensitve material to shoot). So after that experience, I went to a volleyball coaches conference at Odessa High School. This was a total extreme to the rollover scene, and I realized how crazt this job can be somedays. I hope covering wrecks never becomes routine to me, I don't want to reduce it to just another assignment. Here are some pictures from the day and a couple of pool shots from yesterday.


D.J. Laws, left, and Robert Byrd ride along FM 1788 as part of the Pony Expresses Ride to Hobbs, N.M. The participants rode in two mile shifts for the relay. Image © Odessa American


Bert Madera of Jal, N.M. prepares his horse, Cowboy, for their 2 mile shift along FM 1788 Friday as part of the Pony Express ride to Hobbs, N.M.Image © Odessa American


Bert Madera, founder of the Pony Express Ride from Jal, N.M. prepares to take his turn on the first leg of the ride to Seminole along FM 1788. Image © Odessa American

Here are a couple I missed yesterday from the local pools story:


Chris Stewart, 15, takes his turn running and jumping across the pool on top of some floating discs at Sherwood Park Thursday Afternoon. Image © Odessa American


Justin Rebber, Sherwood Park lifeguard, keeps an eye on the diving board and surrounding area Thursday afternoon. Image © Odessa American

Here is a photo from the accident scene. I won't relate any details about it yet as I am not sure what's proper to include for now.


Image © Odessa American

Back to work...

Today I shot three assignments, and learned something about doing this job on a daily basis: Not every assignment will yield "the shot". This may seem rather obvious, but after my dissapointments the other day and shooting today I think I finally made myself realize this. I took some photos that work, and tell the reader something about what the story is about, but they just aren't what I wanted to get. I think I am putting too much pressure on myself to get some amazing, wonderful photos every day when I just can't do that, at least not right now. So here are two of today's assignments (the other assignment is still on the paper's computers)




This is from an assigment on a youth track team that is practicing for an upcoming meet. Image © Odessa American

In this one, Edith Gonzalez, who is recieving an award for overcoming adversity to graduate from high school, is working on a speach to describe the hardships she had to overcome with her friend and mentor who picked her for the award. There were 14 recipients in all. The award Image © Odessa American


This is just a long exposure that I took Monday night during a lighning storm. Unfortunately you can't see much lightning since the storm had really died about the time I took my camera out.